Kay Bransford calls her parents the “senior edition of Bonnie and Clyde.” Both have been recently diagnosed with dementia, but have been showing signs of forgetfulness for the past year or two.
Bransford recalls her parents, who have both had their driver’s licenses revoked but continue to drive, telling her the story they’ll tell police if they’re ever pulled over. In that moment, Bransford is certain the couple knows that they’re not allowed to drive, and are defiant about breaking the law. But just minutes later, the couple has forgotten the story completely and they don’t remember even having driver’s licenses. It’s just one of the many stories Bransford has about her parents’ deteriorating behavior. She admits, she sometimes wonders whether her parents are manipulating her and others, and that just adds to the guilt caregivers like her often experience.
“They’re not the parents I knew,” says Bransford, who cares for her 81-year-old mother and 80-year-old father. “It took me a while to realize that. In frustration I thought, ‘Is this the woman my mom really is?’ She’s saying so many things my mom would never have said. I know it’s a manifestation of the disease, but in the moment, I took it personally.”
Amanda Smith, M.D., medical director of the Byrd Alzheimer’s Institute at the University of South Florida estimates that one-quarter of the caregivers she interacts with have concerns similar to Bransford, and they question her about whether their parents are manipulating them.